“All things come to those who wait.” “The journey is as important as the destination.” “A man’s reach should always exceed his grasp.” “Anything worth having is worth waiting for.”
I don't know; maybe it's just laziness that keeps me from going out and living my dreams. Or maybe it's fear; the fear of doing something new, of people looking at me funny; the fear of trying something and failing. I don't like failure, and like most, I don’t like to be wrong either. Mistakes have already cost me greatly in this life and I do not want to be first in failure line. The nice thing about getting older is you have hopefully learned from your mistakes. The sad thing is that you now have less time left to make the most of your dreams. Dreams are all very well and good; a person's reach should exceed their grasp and all that. But ... it's important to recognize your own limitations. It's important to know that some things just aren't feasible. Not to be defeatist; but to be realistic about how to achieve what you dream of. In high school English, I read a story by Henry James called "The Beast in the Jungle." As I remember it, it's about a man who's utterly convinced that he has some cosmic Destiny. He's so convinced of this idea, in fact, that he passes up every chance he has to build a destiny for himself—he never does anything but bide his time, waiting for the right thing to come along, until, old and weary, he realizes that life has passed him by. It seems so obvious when put that way: if you never risk anything, if you just sit under the tree and let the apples fall into your lap, at best you'll be content. Not enthusiastic, not overjoyed, not heartbroken; just ... content. You won't accomplish the great deeds you dream about; you won't inspire anyone to anything. You can't get an adrenalin rush just lying in the sun—and that nagging voice asking, "What are you doing with your life? When will you do something worthwhile? What have you accomplished so far?" probably won't even let you be content now that I think of it. But what happens when you DO take that chance? What happens when you do manage to self motivate yourself well beyond you comfort zone and then . . . fail!
Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Certainly Sir Winston was not a young man either when he made this resolute statement, but how does one balance the dreams he or she once dreamed with past failures and constant fears? At this stage of life there are a variety of reasons why depression and anxiety may be heightened. This is an age when all major facets of life come into play. People are faced with making choices about how they engineer the second half of their lives. They often are faced with taking care of their parents, as well as their children. They have usually narrowed their career options by this time; and if dissatisfied with their careers, may be experiencing more anxiety and depression. Along with this, hormonal and physical changes may contribute to the increase in anxiety and depression. The mirror does not reflect the same youthful face as in the past. My best suggestion is to take an inventory of your present life’s journey. Evaluate where you are today and what you have learned from your past. What are your assets and limitations? What are the most important priorities in your life today? Think of your life as a book and ask yourself what the previous chapters have said and what you would like the next chapter to be. Less important is how you would like the book to eventually end? In other words . . . what would you most like to be remembered for?
Believe me I understand when you say that all of this is far easier said than done. Change in your day to day moods and attitudes are never easy, but can still be done. Fear of failure, of ridicule, of people laughing at you, can be a powerful thing. It can keep people quiet when they want to speak out; it can keep them trapped on the ground when they want to soar. Daring something new and different will always earn distrust and suspicion from the narrow-minded. But check the scales—is it worth leaving behind all you hope and wish for, just from fear that someone might laugh? I don't like to be wrong; it makes me embarrassed and angry. But isn't it better, doesn't it show more integrity and strength, to stand up for what you believe, to speak out even if you're unsure, than to hide quietly in a corner just in case you're wrong? Don't settle for second-best; don't give in to lowered expectations. If you don't strive, you can't succeed; and even failure can be sweet if you fight against it every inch of the way. At least that way you can know you did your best; you don't have to worry about how things might have been, if only....
Looking back on my life at 75, I suspect if I continue to do what I am doing that I'll wish that I'd taken more chances, done more and seen more, gone to foreign lands and met new and exciting people. There are new and exciting people everywhere, I firmly believe, if you know how and where to look for them. Everyone's got a story. There are too many, far too many, for me to hear in one lifetime; but at least I can try. Wouldn't it be nice to be asked at age eighty, or ninety, or a hundred and twenty, "Do you have any regrets? Would you do things differently if you could?" - and to be able to truthfully say No; no, I have no regrets and I live my life to the fullest.” While failure and regrets will always be a part of our lives we must learn to handle them in a way that adds to the value of our lives instead of taking away from it and defeating our “capacity to dream.”
I write mostly as a way to organize my thoughts and feelings. While I have had a few minor achievements, I would never consider myself an accomplished writer. I have adjusted my dreams to a realistic set of goals and continue to push myself even farther. I may never win a Pulitzer but I can always sit down and share my thoughts . . . and this brings me joy. During one of my darker moments when I felt like everything that has gone before me was just as dark as what lied ahead I was given some simple words that resonated inside of me for days . . .
“What has happened is the way things are, what hasn’t happened is the way they can be, and the rest is up to you and God.”
gmr Feb 2010 Sonlight Ventures
